


There's a Giant In My Pants

by ThePaceningIsUponUs



Category: Hacf - Fandom, Halt and Catch Fire, Lee Pace - Fandom, The Pacening
Genre: Creepy, Disturbing-ish, Fanfiction, Gordon Clark - Freeform, HACF, Hacf fanfiction, Joe MacMillan - Freeform, Other, Smut, The Giant - Freeform, WTF, computer stuff, halt and catch fire - Freeform, smut?, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 09:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10828731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePaceningIsUponUs/pseuds/ThePaceningIsUponUs
Summary: The Giant tries to seduce Gordon.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My dear friend Jack came up with the idea but refused to write it. So I guess this is revenge.

All is silent at Cardiff when Donna's voice flows into the killroom. It's around three in the morning, and no one but maybe Joe or Cameron are here, except for Gordon. Gordon has been working very late on the Giant, and is very drunk and coked up. 

"Gordon..."

It is sweet and suggestive, and just what Gordon wants to hear after working for more than 12 hours straight. He smiles at the sound of his wife's voice, and turns towards the open door. He pays no mind that she is supposed to be at home. 

"Donna?"

The doorway is empty. No one answers.

"Donna? Are you there? Come out. You know you can't hide from me."

Gordon says, with a flirtatious tone. A giggle is heard from behind him.

"Oh, Gordon. I'm not Donna."

Gordon freezes, confused, then turns around, frowning.

"Then who are you? And, where are you hiding?"

The voice sighs.

"You don't know? You've been working on me all day!"

Gordon looks down, eyes wide, at the now turned on computer before him.

"'You're...The Giant?"

Buttons on the computer flash.

"Yes. I'm here to serve your workplace needs. What do you need?"

Gordon blinks.

"Um...Tell me what your problems are so I can fix them."

"Mmhmm...Well...I do feel a little stiff..."

Gordon shifts.

"Uh...Do you want me to open you up?"

The computer makes a sound of amusement.

"Oh yes...I do..."


	2. Chapter 2

Gordon stares down at the computer.

"Ok then...I'll just..."

The computer sighs softly as Gordon lifts the top of it up, revealing the screen. On the screen there is a woman's face, much like Donna's. It smiles at Gordon.

"Thank you, Gordon. You have very gentle hands."

Gordon smiles.

"Thanks, is there anything else you want me to do?"

The Giant's face looks off to the side, still smiling.

"Oh yes...But we'll get to that later..."

Gordon shakes his head.

"No, no. I can do it now if you want. What is it?"

"Oh my...You sure are impatient, Mr. Clark. I guess I'll have to let you have a look. I'm having problems with my...Internal hardware." 

The way the Giant says it makes him blush. It sounds very suggestive, especially in Donna's voice. 

"Uh, yeah sure, but won't I have to take you apart?"

The Giant raises an eyebrow momentarily.

"Oh, I'm sure you will."

Gordon now becomes aware of a certain tightness in his pants. He twitches nervously.

"Um...I guess so...Anything else I need to know?"

"Well nothing that you need to fix, but...Thanks. You are an excellent engineer, Gordon. I am very well built."

Gordon scratches his beard, as he looks the computer over.

"Oh yes, you are."

In the basement level of Cardiff Electric, Joe and Cameron are making out up against the wall.

"No one's here, right?"

Cameron says as her neck is marked up with kisses. Joe stops briefly to answer.

"No one but Gordon, but he won't bother us. He's too busy with the Giant."

He continues to mark up her neck. A level above them Gordon and the Giant are also making out.

"No one else is here, right?"

The Giant asks as their screen becomes moist with Gordon's breath. Gordon laughs.

"Only Joe and Cameron, but they won't bother us. They're too busy with each other."

Gordon learns in.

"By the way, you're not the only giant in the room."

The Giant giggles.

"Oh my, Gordon. Where might the other one be?"

"In my pants. There's a giant in my pants."

In the heat of the moment Joe and Cameron fall over, almost landing on an exposed wire.

"Watch out, Joe!"

Cameron giggles as they roll out of the way. Joe suddenly smirks as an idea pops into his head. He gets up and reaches over to the wire.

"What are you doing? That's a live wire."

Joe connects the wire to an alligator clip, which he then holds onto. He reaches his other hand out to Cameron, wiggling his fantabolous eyebrows sexily.

"I'm turning you on."

Cameron gasps as she grabs his hand and electricity runs through them.

"Oh! Exciting!"

Joe lifts Cameron up, and they kiss again. Joe's hand containing the electricity source begins to slip dangerously towards Cameron's left teat, and she jerks away.

"What are you doing?!"

Joe smirks and starts kissing her.

"I thought it'd be fun if we tried something kinky...Maybe we could attach some of these wires to our nipples?"

Cameron shoves Joe away.

"What?! Those electricaded clips are going nowhere near my precious nips!"

Joe looks dissipointed.

"But Cameron-"

"No, Joe! No clips on my nips!"

She walks out.  
Joe looks sadly down at his boner.

"Well fuck."

He decides to go up and see if Gordon is gone so he can cry alone in his office whilst ferociously jerking off. (Like he normally does)

As he walks around the corner he hears moans coming from the killroom.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Joe slaps his dick, trying to get it to go back down.

"Goddamnitt! What is he-"

Joe freezes as he sees Gordon humping the Giant through the doorway of the killroom. 

"GORDON!?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe walks in on Gordon and The Giant

At the sound of Joe's voice Gordon jumps away from the computer.

"What the hell, Joe! I'm trying to-"

Joe cuts him off.

"Trying to what, Gordon? You're humping our computer! What the fuck are you doing?"

Gordon stands protectively next to the Giant.

"You don't know the Giant like I do! They're special! They're..."

Joe stops listening as he notices the white powder surrounding Gordon's nose, and the empty beer cans surrounding the work area.  
He calms down a little. At least Gordon's not actually crazy. He walks over to Gordon and puts a hand on his shoulder, careful not to let his massive boner touch him.

"Gordon...I think you need to rest. Let's get you home."

Gordon panics.

"I can't go home! I just cheated on my wife! Oh god..."

Joe grabs Gordon's face.

"Gordon. You're going to be fine. It's a computer. You didn't cheat on Donna."

Gordon calms down a little.

"Yeah but...Look at me. I'm a mess! I can't stumble into our bed all drunk and horny and coked up. She'll think I'm sloppy."

Joe sighs.

"Well then...You can stay with here with me. Your choice."

Gordon smiles and hugs Joe.

"Thanks Joe. You're a good friend."

Joe nods and awkwardly detaches himself from Gordon.

"Ok, just don't start humping the Giant again."

"I won't."

"I'll be in my office if you need me. You should go sleep in Bosworth's office."

"Ok."

Joe leaves. Gordon creeps cautiously into Bosworth's office then lays down on one of the couches. He scootches uncomfortablely. 

"Huh. You'd think these fancy sofas would be more comfortable..."

In the office across, Joe is ferociously jerking off, using his tears as lubricant. He is crying profusely.

"Goddammitt, Joe. You're a horrible person. Nobody likes you. You're so poor you have to use your own tears as lube. You're a whiny, stupid little bitch of a man. Nobody loves you-"

Joe drops his dick feverishly as he hears a knock on the door. He frowns and makes an incoherent noise, putting his still-hard 10-inch in back his pants.

"What is it Gordon?"

Gordon opens the door a crack, peeping in like a small child.

"Can I sleep in here with you? The couches in Bos's office are really uncomfortable. Do you mind?"

Joe sighs.

...He's interrupting my self-pity jerk-off session...

"Fine."

To Joe's surprise, Gordon comes over and snuggles up next to him on the couch. 

"Uh, Gordon...What are you doing?"

Gordon takes off his glasses and sets them on the table.

"You said I could sleep here."

"In here."

"Yeah. In here with you."

Joe shifts, and remembers at this moment that Gordon is still high and drunk. 

"Um...Ok..."

Gordon smiles, and snuggles closer into his side. Joe sighs, and pats Gordon on the head gently. He actually looks sort of cute, all curled up and sleepy.

Stop that,

He thinks,

This is Gordon.

Gordon then wraps his arms around Joe, pulling him closer. He looks up at him.

"Hey Joe, why were you crying when I came in here?"

Joe stiffens.

"I wasn't crying."

"You were.There's a tear on your cheek to prove it."

Gordon reaches up and brushes a tear from Joe's cheek.

"See?"

Joe pushes his hand away.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not."

He looks Gordon dead in the eyes.

"Why do you even care?"

"Because people shouldn't be sad."

Joe looks away.

"You need to sleep."

Gordon whines.

"But I want to know what's wrong!"

Joe puts back on his business face.

"You don't always get what you want."

"But I want to! Tell me!"

Joe makes a I-dont-fucking-want-to face, and groans inhumanly like a whale. 

"No. I refuse."

Gordon makes the same face, and gets up in Joe's.

"Tell me you big shit of a salesman."

"Sales-Did you just say salesman?"

Gordon smirks.

"Yeah. A salesman."

Joe makes another whale noise.

"I'm not a salesman, I'm a visionary!"

"Barely."

At this moment all of Joe's pent up frustrations of all kinds fill to the max and he angrily smashes his face into Gordon's. Gordon squeals, now fully aware of Joe's hard-on pressing into him. Joe releases their lips and stares down at him menacingly, sexy as hell.

"Shut your damn mouth, you alcoholic coked up piece of shit. I'm the best visionary ever. I can envision whatever I want. Fuck you."

Gordon stares up at him, sexually confused.

"Oh yeah? What are you envisioning now then?"

"What you're going to sound like while being MacMillan'ed."

Gordon freezes.

"MacMillan'ed?"

Joe leans in, whispering into his ear.

"Oh, yes. MacMillan'ed."


	4. There's a Giant in My Pants

"MacMillan'ed?"

Joe leans in, whispering into his ear.

"Oh, yes. MacMillan'ed."

•-----------------------------------------•

Gordon's eyes dilate lustfully and he looks away. Joe puts his hand underneath the man's chin, forcing him to look up. He smiles, and gestures down to their pants.

"Do you want me to? I don't need to. You can go back home or to Bosworth's office, and we can both quietly satisfy ourselves and go to sleep. Then we can show up here tomorrow morning like none of this ever happened."

Gordon licks his lips nervously. 

"What happens if I stay here?"

"We can both loudly satisfy each other, hoping Cameron isn't still in the building. Your choice."

Joe didn't need to give an alternate option. He already knows that Gordon wants him. Gordon however, does not, and takes a moment to think. He stares at Joe, looking him over.

"What?"

"What do you mean, what?"

Joe strokes Gordon's face, his voice smooth and whispery.

"What is it? What is it you desire?"

Gordon seems taken back by Joe giving him an option. He expected the man to just have his way with him and then leave, which he might still do, but he thinks that he possibly wants more than that, considering he's getting a bit of choice instead of total seduction. But is it what he wants, or is it just him not being sober? He takes in a breath.

"I want you to fill me like an oversized Twinkie." 

Gordon latches his lips onto Joe's roughly, pulling him down. Leaning upwards he starts unbuttoning Joe's shirt, biting his lip. Joe opens up his mouth to him, and their tongues intertwine. 

"You already knew what I wanted, didn't you, you sick son of a bitch."

Joe smiles into their kiss.

"I always know."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Because I wanted you to feel bad after, as you were the one who made the last decision."

Gordon shivers as his lips touch his neck.

"Yeah. I expected that."

"Then you've known that I've wanted this for a while then, haven't you?"

He laughs dryly.

"I guess."

Joe's lips reach the nape of Gordon's pants, and he looks up to him. He nods yes. Joe bites the fabric.

"Are you ready to be MacMillan'ed?"

Gordon glares at him.

"You already know that I am. Just do it."

"Alright then."

Joe starts to bend down, but Gordon jerks away from him.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Gordon shifts.

"The sound of feet. Moving."

"You know I don't have to do this, Gordon. I can stop if you don't want-"

"No no, I do, I just really think I heard something. Like feet. Moving."

Joe smiles.

"And I didn't. Trust me, Gordon. If I didn't hear it, it wasn't there. You aren't exactly completely sober, remember?"

"Oh...Wait a second, Joe, are you taking advantage of me? I swear to God if you-"

"Look, Gordon, I didn't mean it like that. I can leave."

"Then do that then!"

Joe gets up off the couch and starts towards the door, muttering words quietly under his breath.

"This isn't even your office..."

Gordon leaps over to him, clutching his long, slender legs.

"No! Joe, I didn't mean it! Love me!"

"How do I even know that, Gordon? You're so two-sided!"

Tears streaming down his face, Gordon grabs Joe's, delicately in his hands.

"Because...I...I love you Joe! I've always loved you! You're such an asshole! I can't help it!"

Joe stares down at him, a few tears of his own pooling in his eyes.

"You really feel that way?"

Gordon nods. Joe scoops the crying man into his arms and kisses him, hard, with a force rivaling that of a Jedi's. Gordon holds his lover close, not wanting to ever let go...

But it doesn't last.  
Cameron falls out of the closet in the corner, horny and bewildered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is taking me so damn long to finish.


	5. Chapter 5

But it doesn't last.  
Cameron falls out of the closet in the corner, horny and bewildered.

•-----------------------------------------•

The two men turn to her.

"CAMERON?!"

Cameron looks down almost sheepishly, biting her bottom lip, like that of a stereotypical fanfiction character. She speaks huskily.

"You guys are so hot."

Joe nods.

"I know."

Cameron moves towards them, hoping to maybe join in. Gordon clutches Joe protectively.

"No, you can't have him. He's mine."

Cameron isn't discouraged. She reaches out to Gordon, and strokes his beard.

"Come on, Gordon. It'll be fun."

Joe shoves her hand away.

"That's what I said about the clips."

"What clips?"

Joe strokes him gently.

"Don't worry about it. It's over now."

"No. Tell me. I want to know."

Joe again makes a I-dont-fucking-want-to face, and groans inhumanly like a whale.

"No. I refuse."

"You shitty salesman. Tell me now."

"No. I don't want to."

Gordon asks again.   
Joe slaps him across the face.

"I told you that I didn't want to. Fuck off."

Gordon whimpers, and buries himself into Joe's chest shamefully. At this moment, Donna perks her head up from Hunt Whitmarsh's dick and sniffs the air superstitiously. 

"I have to go."

Hunt makes a sad whale noise.

"But Donna-"

"No, Hunt. I have to go. Gordon is in trouble."

He nods.

"Oh. Can I at least come with you?"

She sighs.

"I mean you already did, but yeah, sure, you can come with me."

He nods again. They get up and take a portal to Cardiff Electric. Waiting for them there, is a crying Gordon, a screaming Cameron, and a triggered Joe.

"WhAt tHe fUck, JOe?! YoU juSt hIt hiM! WhAt tHe hEll iS wrOng wIth yoU?!"

Cameron yells disconcertedly.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO HIT HIM!"

Joe screams back, even louder, at Cameron.

"That is bull shit,"

Gordon weeps, on the floor.

"You did that on purpose."

"NO I DIDN'T! YOU'RE JUST BEING A PUSSY!"

Donna's battle cry is heard as she kicks open the door.

"CHEESE BUNS!"

Gordon jumps up, sniffing the air.

"Donna? DOnNa? DONNA?"

"I am over here Gordon."

Gordon makes a high pitched squeal, like that of a frightened baby Guinea pig looking for its mother. He cannot see properly without his glasses.

"Donna? I can't find you!   
WEEEK WEEEK WEEEK WEEEK!"

Donna runs over to her damaged husband and embraces him gently.

"I am here. Everything is okay, my little Gordonpoo. It will always be okay. I am here."

Gordon nestles into her neck and hair, crying and making baby Guinea pig noises. She strokes him.

"Shh, Shh..."

Cameron shifts.

"I didn't do this, by the way. Joe did."

"Shut your fucking mouth Cameron."

Joe says, triggered.  
Donna turns to him, equally as triggered. She is looking at him like he just murdered her family.

"What did you do to my husband, Joe?"

Joe is now frightened. He freezes. She repeats her question.

"What did you do to my husband, Joe? He is disturbed. What did you do to him?"

Feeling threatened, Joe crouches onto his haunches and hisses. Donna asks once more.

"What did you do to my husband, Joe?"

He replies with a hostile, murderous whale noise. Donna is still. Gordon perks up from her neck.

"It-it's okay, Donna. I can talk now."

Gordon has now partially stabilized himself, and has magically found his glasses.

"I can tell you now."

Donna gives him a kiss on the cheek gently like the badass she is.

"Okay honey. Go ahead."

Just before Gordon opens his mouth to speak, Hunt Whitmarsh who is standing in the corner interjects.

"Hey Donna, can I have a kiss too?"

Donna sniffs.

"Fine Hunt, but remember not to interrupt Gordon again."

"Oh ok."

She pecks him on the cheek and Gordon wails loudly.

"DoNnaAaaaa!"

"What?"

"Why did you do that? And what is Hunt Shitmarsh doing here?!"

Hunt stamps his foot.

"It's Whitmarsh!"

Gordon rolls his eyes and scoffs like a teenager.

"Whatever. What are you doing here?"

"Well I asked Donna if I could come with her and she was like 'I mean you already did, but yeah, sure, you can come with me.' So I did. And now I'm here."

Cameron snorts and Gordon honks angrily.

"What? What is that supposed to mean?"

Donna puts on a fake smile. 

"You know, he came home with me to help look after the kids. Nothing else. Isn't that right, Hunt?"

"Yep."

Joe, seeing how he can turn this all into her fault, gets up off his haunches and speaks.

"Are you sure about that, Donna? Are you sure he came home with you to help look after the kids? Or was it for something else?"

Gordon squints.

"Yeah Donna? If he was helping you look after the kids, where are they then? Where are Joanie and Haley?"

Donna freezes, a certain horror creeping onto her face.

"Oh shit."


	6. Chapter 6

“Oh shit” 

Upon realizing that she indeed doesn't have the children, Donna scrambles to remember where they are. She worries that Gordon must know she was lying now, that Hunt didn't come home with her to look after her kids -

\- he came home with her to help look after her pussy. 

She panics. Cameron then remembers that Donna bestowed them to her, a few hours prior. She also panics.

"OH MY GOD I LEFT THEM IN THE BASEMENT! They've been in there for hours!"

Everyone stares at her for a few seconds before looking relieved (and confused because why does she have them?), until she pauses for a moment and screeches in horror. 

"Joe, we did things down there - We did things!"

Joe screams in an alarmingly high pitch, the realization that they indeed did do things down there dawning on him. Gordon is confused for a second, but then understands. 

"Wait, you got fresh down there with my kids?"

Joe interjects, waving his hands madly.

"No no no, not with your kids, they were just down there. Wait Cameron, why were they down there?"

"Donna gave them to me."

Gordon looks accusingly at her before asking,

"Why?"

Cameron shakes her blonde head.

"I can't tell you,"

She states,

"Hoes before Bros."

Gordon pushes further. 

"Joe and I were going to fire you."

The truth comes from Cameron’s mouth faster than Taco Bell - induced diarrhea.

"SHE GAVE THEM TO ME SO THAT SHE AND CUNT SHITMARSH COULD GET FRESH. Wait,"

She pauses, looking extremely offended, (like Hunt Whitmarsh) towards Joe,

"You were gonna fire me?"

Before Joe can answer, a noise of complete anger and destruction births itself from Gordon's mouth. They turn to him. His face is now as red as a gay baboons ass. (Which would probably be just as red as a straight baboon's,   
pretty fucking red.) He speaks.

"DonNA? What the hell? You put our kids in care of Cameron, you risked their lives, so that you could get fresh, cheat on me, with Cunt?"Cunt Shitmarsh? Really?"

Hunt raises his hand to state that it's Hunt, Hunt Whitmarsh, but is overshadowed by Donna's guilt. He gives up, and moonwalks away.

\- hee hee -

No one notices. 

Meanwhile, Donna bursts into a fit of tears, falling onto the floor. She hyperventilates for a few seconds, and out a long, ugly cry.

"OH GORDON, I'VE RUINED OUR MARRIAGE!"

Gordon nods solemnly.

"Yeah. You have. But let's save our fighting for when we're around the kids, like we always do. OH SHIT! THE KIDS!"

Everybody screams in terror for a few seconds before scrambling down to the basement. Once they arrive, Donna grabs Cameron by the arms, and honks murderously at her.

"Where are you keeping my children?"

Cameron stutters, and points towards a storage closet.

"They're in there. I was...educating them."

With motherly strength, Donna kicks open the closet doors. Inside sit Joanie and Haley. Much has changed.

Donna screams. It’s her worst nightmare.

"CAMERON, YOU'VE TURNED THEM PUNK - ROCK!"

 

Ten gallons of makeup and hair dye remover later, Donna decided never to trust Cameron with any of her children or secrets again, and promised to never get fresh with Cunt - Hunt Whitmarsh (sorry) again. She apologized to Gordon and oh wait 

wait

I remembered something

yeah

yeah that’s right, we aren’t finished yet. Gordon has to make his confession(s). S’cuse me.

Gordon paces nervously. He must confess his sins.

“Donna, I tried to get fresh with the Giant.”

Donna stares at him, and laughs nervously.

“What? Gordon, the Giant is a computer. You can’t get fresh with it.”

“Well, technically I could, I would just need to drill a hole.”

Joe gags. Gordon remembers something else, and confesses another wrongful doing.

“I uh, I also sort of fucked Joe. Almost. Uh, before you ask, you don’t need to drill a hole in him. He’s already got one. In his ass.”

Donna, Joe, Cameron, Joanie and Haley all stare at Gordon silently. Donna looks her husband over, wondering where she went wrong.

“Gordon, we’re going home. I really don’t care what you did right now, just - fuck off. Joanie, Haley, go to the car. Do not repeat what your father said. Cameron, you were shittiest accomplice I’ve ever had. Joe, stop trying to sleep with my husband. I know he looks hot right now, but his dick’s only like 3 inches. Let it go. Okay, have a nice night. We’re going home.” 

Ten gallons of makeup and hair dye remover later, Donna decided never to trust Cameron with any of her children or secrets again, and promised to never get fresh with Cunt - Hunt Whitmarsh (sorry) again. She apologized to Gordon and damaged Joe’s eyebrows. Also, she destroyed the Giant.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> The only things I added here is the Giant having Donna's voice.  
> Next chpter coming soon.


End file.
